Discover practical relationship advice to become a better partner. Learn how to clarify your values, seek constructive feedback, and grow together in your relationship.
Let me guess… You did it again. You forgot to get milk on your way home. You blew up during a fight and snapped at your partner, even though you promised them you wouldn’t do that again just four days ago. You’re frustrated with yourself because you genuinely want to be better, but somehow you keep getting stuck.
You’re not alone. I’ve been there, too. In fact, there are still times during conflict when I allow old parts of myself to take over. As long as we’re doing our best and making progress, that’s what matters. In this article, I’ll share three tips on how to be the partner you promised to be.
Tip 1: Clarify Your Values
Until you’re clear about your goals, you won’t make effective choices to achieve them. Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up in your relationship? Write it down on a notepad or type it on your phone.
If you don’t know where to start, think about someone you admire. This person can be someone you know, a celebrity, a fictional character, or even your partner. Consider the characteristics they have that inspire you. Are they loving? Kind? Confident? Communicative? Mature? Write these qualities on your notepad.
After you’ve written these down, take a moment to reflect. Do you already have some of these characteristics? How do you embody them? Can you think of specific moments where you showed up as the person you would like to be? If you don’t already have some of these qualities, what are some ways you can work on yourself and practice embodying them?
Tip 2: Seek Feedback and Create an Action Plan
Spend quality time with your partner and express your desire to be a better partner for them. Ask for their feedback and support. They’re likely to appreciate your initiative.
Request examples of how you show up in ways they appreciate—times when you were loving, communicative, patient, brave, or demonstrated other qualities you strive for. Reflect on these instances and consider how you can replicate such behaviors in the future.
Next, inquire about areas where you could improve. Are there moments when you’re combative, impatient, or snappy? Ask how you could approach these situations differently. Could you be more gentle when your partner is stressed? Could you take time to cool down when upset?
Based on this feedback, develop an action plan. This might include reading a book on emotional maturity and discussing insights with your partner for ten minutes daily. Another strategy could be taking a thirty-minute timeout to calm down when feeling triggered. Such practices can help you remain regulated during conflicts and avoid hurtful behaviors that damage your relationship.
Tip 3: Reflect and Adjust
As you implement your action plan, you might find some strategies easier or more challenging than anticipated. Identify what works for you and adjust accordingly. Ensure you’re challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone, as that’s where growth occurs.
Regularly take time to reflect on your intentions and progress. Are you doing your best to be a good partner? Are you putting in daily effort? Are you responding differently during difficult times? Conduct a personal inventory.
By following these tips, you’ll likely notice yourself becoming the partner you aspire to be, consistently showing up in ways your partner appreciates. Clarify your values, seek feedback, reflect, adjust, and take personal inventory. Most importantly, be intentional every day about supporting your partner. And communicate, communicate, communicate. Ensure you understand your partner’s wants and needs, and strive to honor them.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below: how these tips worked for you, or what you’d like to see more of in future blog posts. If you found this article helpful, share it with your partner or someone you know.
